Are you a “tell it like it is” guy? Are you a “get the job done” gal? Or, are you a bully?

Most office bullies are completely unaware that their behaviour is being perceived as bullying. Roy Johnson, founder and president of Vancouver-based The Neutral Zone Coaching and Consulting Services Inc. that specializes in bully rehabilitation, says that half of his executive coaching clients come to him at the request of their boards or staff; when he describes a situation where the client was perceived to be bullying, “80% of time they are genuinely surprised.”

Most supervisors of people accused of bullying are equally unaware — people who act like bullies do in fact get the job done and look like high-functioning leaders. The problem is that they leave destruction in their wake, which can be extremely costly in the long run to an organization as well as to the people who are their targets.

So, what’s a bully?

The Canada Safety Council says bullying is “a social relationship where an individual repeatedly harms another individual, through physical, verbal and/or psychological means,” and is characterized by “a grab for control by an insecure, inadequate person, an exercise of power through the humiliation of the target.”

Bullying behaviours can include a raised voice, being aggressive or threatening an employee. Dr. Lisa Barrow, assistant professor at Brock University in St. Catharines, Ontario and a Healthy Workplace Consultant says, “Workplace bullying can also be very subtle. A bully may not yell and scream at an employee but can begin to set up a person to fail — by setting unreasonable deadlines, not giving him the tools needed to be successful, or by suggesting that the person is not as talented, smart or gifted as others may think. The bully may deny the employee opportunities for promotion, or may slowly take away responsibilities regardless of his ability.” (Click here for more signs of workplace bullying). Barrow notes that bullying is not about one bad day or one rude encounter, but is a pattern of repeated negative interactions.

Raynald Marchant, general manager, programs, of the Canada Safety Council distinguishes between harassment and bullying, “Harassment is defined when an employee is being harassed on a particular subject and has expressed they don’t like it. Bullying is more severe — it’s an attempt to put people down to control them, and the person feels powerless against it.”

Bullies tend to have some degree of insecurity or a feeling of incompetence in their position — often the targets of their behaviour are people who are perceived as threats because of their own competence, experience or skills. “One way to deflect the eyes off of a bully’s incompetence and onto someone else is by identifying individuals the bully is intimidated by, someone who is well-liked in the organization, and try to bring them down in some way,” Says Barrow. “Bullies are insecure individuals who gain a sense of importance and power by bullying others. They do not feel good about themselves. Typically, people who feel good about themselves will not bully others. “

Surely not in the nonprofit world

Barrow’s research shows that 37% of employees are bullied on a regular basis and this is true across every sector, including in charities and nonprofits. Fully two-thirds of the bully rehabilitation work done by The Neutral Zone is in the public and nonprofit sector. Johnson believes this is because “the nonprofit world is very values based. People are [often] there because they are passionate about their work. The trouble comes when someone’s strong passion is overused to the point of weakness.”

Sometimes people join helping professions because they come from backgrounds where they had to be caregivers. People who enter the nonprofit world in a quest to meet all the needs of the world — what Johnson calls the “self-assigned impossible task” — fixate on what they can control, something bullies thrive on.

Barrow notes that while nonprofits are often in the business of serving people, sometimes staff can treat others as inanimate objects, losing the sense of respect and dignity which is at the heart of the mission of their organization.

But that’s not me

In fifteen years of bully rehabilitation, Johnson says, “Not once has someone said ‘I’m glad you’re here — I’m a bully.’ It’s always something someone else does.”

One of his tenets is that “all behaviour makes sense” at some level to the person engaging in it. Someone may pride themselves on being direct and honest, but if they become aggressive and nasty, and so unvarnished in their assertiveness that they don’t care about the working relationships, they are acting as a bully. Johnson adds, “Any of us can be bullies.”

While bullying may be subjective — what is a funny joke to one person may be demeaning to another — Johnson defines bullying not in terms of right or wrong, but as risk: “How do I risk blowing work relationships, coming across as bully, etc. Is the joke worth it?”

How would I know if I were a bully?

Often the cues are subtle. If staff frequently avoid you, if their body language says “I can’t believe she just said that,” if their facial expression glazes over or if they are hesitant to share ideas or genuine responses, these may be signs that your behaviour is being perceived as bullying.

Ironically, Johnson says, if you ask people working around you if you are a bully, chances are that the more they deny it, the more likely it is that you are a bully.

Why would I change?

Bullying behaviour often works: you get the results you want. However, Canada Safety Council research shows that bullied employees waste between 10 and 52% of their time at work, defending themselves, gathering support, thinking about the situation, feeling stressed, and taking sick leave. Retaining and recruiting good employees becomes an issue — according to Barrow, 44% of bullied employees leave their jobs or are fired, as compared to 1.5% of bullies. She says that 7% of targeted employees consider suicide or homicide.

Treating people with respect at work leads to better performance outcomes for individuals and organizations. Engaged employees and volunteers who feel supported in their workplace become more creative and engaged, and are more committed to the organization. The Canada Safety Council notes that “Organizations who manage people well outperform those who don’t by 30 to 40%.”

Bullying can also get you in trouble with the law. Four Canadian provinces — Quebec, Saskatchewan, Ontario and New Brunswick — have established anti-workplace bullying laws. British Columbia is currently working on legislation while Newfoundland and Labrador had a 2003 landmark settlement to a disabled government worker whose employment was terminated after a campaign of harassment by his co-workers.

Johnson believes within the next decade, anti-workplace bullying legislation will be in place across Canada.

OK, maybe it sounds a bit like me — what can I do?

Johnson says that asking this question is a very important moment of insight that does not come easily. This sort of motivation usually has to be “slammed into us” when behaviours we’ve used aren’t working for us, but against us.

He lists three key tasks to a successful bully rehabilitation process:

• Insight — Why are my behaviours working against me?
• Motivation — I want to change or people around me want me to change.
• Skill — What else could I do instead of that thing I usually do?

Both Johnson and Marchand suggest this process nearly always needs objective, professional help so that your strengths can become strengths once more. If your organization has a human resources department or an employee assistance program, talk with them about services that may be available to you. Make an appointment with a trained counsellor or someone with a psychology background. Read books about bullying behaviour.

Barrow suggests the following steps of new behaviour:

• Make a commitment to self and staff to not allow bullying behaviour to exist in the organization.
• Apologize to individuals using a statement such as “I thought this was productive and proactive but I recognize it’s harmful.”
• Commit to creating a respectful working environment. Have a real open door policy — invite staff to openly talk about interactions so you can learn and change.
• Set the example and treat others as you would like to be treated.

Changing a pattern of bullying behaviour is challenging but ultimately rewarding: Johnson describes a 100% success rate for those who genuinely engage in a process of change, and says many former bullies report greater career success once they have learned how to interact successfully in the workplace.

Susan Fish is a writer/editor at Storywell, a company that helps individuals and organization tell their story well. She has written for the nonprofit sector for almost two decades and loves a good story.